W.HI.P
Moving
On the edge of the labyrinth
Posts: 561
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Post by W.HI.P on May 31, 2005 4:51:30 GMT
Xan! All of a sudden, I'm very attracted to you! What are you doing Friday night? 'Earning her black belt in Aikido from her husband's Martial Arts Academy. Why?.... Oh-no... I did'nt know , I step back (Helen is in my top 25 most beautiful people)
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Gelid
Reaching Out
An owl on the sill.
Posts: 309
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Post by Gelid on Dec 7, 2005 18:57:50 GMT
Umm, love stinks! I suppose if you're willing to take everything you've ever cared about, aspired to be, and any ideas of the way you would want your future to be like, hold them up for eight years to the nodding approval of your beloved, and then after one special day of promises and vows, tie them all in a neat little bundle and throw it into the Niagara River, then love is what you want. Not me. Not ever again. The only joy I have left is my 4 year old son, and that's a lot because he is a perfect specimen of a little boy! That something so beautiful can come out of something so hopeless amazes me every day. His love for me and his mother is all that keeps us hanging on.
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Post by Xanadu on Dec 7, 2005 20:04:06 GMT
Umm, love stinks! I suppose if you're willing to take everything you've ever cared about, aspired to be, and any ideas of the way you would want your future to be like, hold them up for eight years to the nodding approval of your beloved, and then after one special day of promises and vows, tie them all in a neat little bundle and throw it into the Niagara River, then love is what you want. Not me. Not ever again. The only joy I have left is my 4 year old son, and that's a lot because he is a perfect specimen of a little boy! That something so beautiful can come out of something so hopeless amazes me every day. His love for me and his mother is all that keeps us hanging on. I'm sorry Grimm, hang in there. "Love" is a strange thing. With ultimate high can only come the ultimate low. Sometimes something beautiful can come from where it is least expected. At least you have known love and can give it to your son, and he is lucky for that. To have only ever existed in the vast middle of experience, is not to have felt anything at all. You'll turn it around Grimm, some way... have hope.
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Post by Al Truest on Dec 7, 2005 22:53:40 GMT
Love was a roll away just a cajole away mist on a summer's day nothing was clear
Love was a smile away just a defile away I sought it every way no-one came near.....
At the risk of sounding insincere, I thought these words from Al Stewart ("Broadway Hotel" ) were fitting. I really know where you are coming from. My wife left me after almost 20 years of marriage. I got custody of my children and they were my rock. It does get better my friend. I won't suggest that you hang in there or that 'someone will come along'; just suffice it to say that you are more resilient that you may know. I take my solace and comfort as I find it. Through friends, short term relationships and work I get lots of positive energy. I'm in no hurry. My freedom and new perspective give me all the support I need outside my children's love. So let it roll. The rules have changed. The good news is that you now make them....Give yourself credit.
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Post by Xanadu on Dec 7, 2005 23:48:09 GMT
I won't suggest that you hang in there or that 'someone will come along'; I just wanted to offer some support. I suppose my effort was misunderstood, since I did not wish him to continue in a relationship that was unhappy. Only that things change, as well as your definitions of "love" and to find courage in that all this to will pass. Just know we're sending you all our best, Grimm.
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Gelid
Reaching Out
An owl on the sill.
Posts: 309
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Post by Gelid on Dec 8, 2005 1:39:54 GMT
Thanks Xan & Al.
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Sheila
Moving
Life is a minestrone served up with parmesan cheese.
Posts: 701
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Post by Sheila on Dec 8, 2005 15:32:30 GMT
The age old question: Is it better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all? I have never been in a physical love relationship, only have been able to love from a distance. I am rapidly approaching the age where I will be getting too old to have kids and have yet to find anyone who I could be in a relationship with where that situation will be likely. My sister went through the exact same thing you did, Grimm. And I didn't know what to say to her as I do not know what to say to you. (Worst thing is I work with her #$*&% of an ex-husband, actually he's the one who translated the Italian in "Prelude" on this board) but she did find true love and now is engaged to a man I believe she will truly be with forever. I personally do not have the confidence to even get a boyfriend let alone a husband. And my lack of confidence and paranoia mount with age. Anyone got a link to where I can order cheap valium?
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Post by Al Truest on Dec 9, 2005 2:31:21 GMT
The age old question: Is it better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all? I have never been in a physical love relationship, only have been able to love from a distance. I am rapidly approaching the age where I will be getting too old to have kids and have yet to find anyone who I could be in a relationship with where that situation will be likely. My sister went through the exact same thing you did, Grimm. And I didn't know what to say to her as I do not know what to say to you. (Worst thing is I work with her #$*&% of an ex-husband, actually he's the one who translated the Italian in "Prelude" on this board) but she did find true love and now is engaged to a man I believe she will truly be with forever. I personally do not have the confidence to even get a boyfriend let alone a husband. And my lack of confidence and paranoia mount with age. Anyone got a link to where I can order cheap valium? With societal and personal dynamics, it is becoming increasingly harder to maintain a long term romantic relationship. But, if that is the goal you must start with yourself. Love thyself. Everything else then falls more easily into place.
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Post by Xanadu on Dec 9, 2005 2:34:20 GMT
But, if that is the goal you must start with yourself. Love thyself. Everything else then falls more easily into place. I agree. Well said.
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stev0
Moving
He's an utter creep and he drives me 'round the bend
Posts: 517
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Post by stev0 on Dec 9, 2005 2:56:55 GMT
I'm not in the dating stage yet, but I'm still a bit confused on how to refer to... um, how do I refer to her?
If I call her "my wife", whoever I'm on a date with will think I'm still too attached to her. If I call her "my ex-wife", whoever I'm on a date with will think I'm divorced, and will therefore think I have all the baggage that usually goes along with that. If I call her "my late wife", that reminds me too much of that scene in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. If I call her "my dead wife", well, THAT will bring conversation to an akward grinding halt now, won't it?
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Post by Al Truest on Dec 9, 2005 3:17:08 GMT
If I were you, I'd explain your situation on the front end and then use her name when you mention her. It really only would become an issue with another woman (IMHO), regardless of how you refer to her, unless you make excessive mention. If that's the case, you're probably not quite ready to date. (hope that's not too presumptuous)
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Post by Adey on Dec 9, 2005 4:15:49 GMT
Don't really know what to say Sheila, except that time is still on your side.. Get out of your routines, shake things up, go to different places etc. Sounds like you need to widen your circle of acquaintances. Join a club or something based on what interests you. Just make sure you check the 'I have no confidence' thoughts at the door. If you meet the right person, confidence won't be an issue at first.. Good Luck!
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Post by Al Truest on Dec 9, 2005 4:20:22 GMT
I'd say bustiers and bright red lipstick. ;D
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Post by Xanadu on Dec 9, 2005 19:30:22 GMT
The age old question: Is it better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all? I have never been in a physical love relationship, only have been able to love from a distance. I am rapidly approaching the age where I will be getting too old to have kids and have yet to find anyone who I could be in a relationship with where that situation will be likely. I personally do not have the confidence to even get a boyfriend let alone a husband. And my lack of confidence and paranoia mount with age. Anyone got a link to where I can order cheap valium? Sheila, remember "desperation is the world's worst cologne." Something will happen where and when you least expect it. When I started dating my husband, I had sworn off becoming involved in a serious long-term relationship. I had many issues with marriage and feared losing myself in the process. There were too many examples of failure and hurt around me. That still effects my outlook. However, this came in the side door, and was so effortless I couldn't help but weaken in my resolve. There was never a discussion of commitment or change, just the desire to be together. I had known him for a while, but was so blinded in my compulsion to make everything fit in my life, I was missing it. Maybe Al's right, try losing the nice girl act and go for the sexed-up image! And, stev0, I can't presume to make any suggestion as to what you should feel or do in your situation. I certainly hope there is no one insisting you "get back out there" until you're ready, if that is ever. Only time will dictate if and when, and I think you'll know by how to refer to her and by how the right woman will respond. Personally, I don't see a problem with "my late wife" but I haven't seen that film. I think a date would have more problem in how often you would refer to her, rather than the how. And, if that is a problem at the moment, more time might be the solution.
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amy
Reaching Out
Posts: 108
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Post by amy on Dec 20, 2006 22:24:56 GMT
I'm reading this over a year after last post and it's so sad. I really hope all of you above who weren't feeling fulfilled in all sorts of ways are in a better situation this year? A few years ago I was getting very depressed about growing old alone and discovering Nick Drakes music at that time didn't exactly help. Anyway - I met a lovely guy at work called Vincent who was a very shy, tall and handsome man. I fancied him so much I couldn't talk to him and then after realising how much I liked him, I couldn't even LOOK at him! I knew his taste in shoes very well. Then a good friend at work left and I was upset about it but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise because Vin(cent) went to the leaving do and while he was a little drunk I told him how lovely he was! God it sounds awful but we now live together and we're getting married in July! I often think back to my black times and I'm so grateful for everything I have. Life can be really tough. I hope everyone's ok?
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