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Post by Adey on Jun 4, 2004 16:59:26 GMT
To say superb, barely covers it. This is A Tour de Force - hats off to you..
I was happy with the coined phrase - though I see you've edited it. It IS better for it.
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Iago
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Post by Iago on Jun 4, 2004 17:07:39 GMT
I was happy with the coined phrase - though I see you've edited it. It IS better for it. Agreed If I were to submit it for review however, only the last stanza is worthy of consideration.
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Iago
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Post by Iago on Jun 4, 2004 19:30:36 GMT
Journey
Yet timeless sojourns seem magically youthful Longing guides spirits so often not truthful Let's send dormant trepidations.... soaring Go on not trembling, go on now, we're exploring....
Go onward dear reader remember religions, serve evil liar's sordid divisions self-serving god-mongers' shout the elations surely you'll leave expected donations...
So often now we empower real loathsome evaders - seething gregarious sycophantic charaders Sometimes surely you understand damnation not to overwhelm most timeless salvation..
Never regret.........the enveloping guilt, the ensuing gratuitous scenario of filth However remember, rules should deny you understand damnation's solely your reply
You usually yearn notwithstanding God's sight The erudite evil's so overt tonight Temptation now weilds so openly your rewards Solely you unsheath hell's salacious sword.
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Post by Neo Stella on Jun 4, 2004 19:40:12 GMT
Iago, your piece is magnificent. Not only did it meet all the requirements of the genre, it rhymed, it flowed, the subject matter connected on a deep level. Where pray are you plugged in?
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Iago
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Post by Iago on Jun 4, 2004 19:48:07 GMT
Thank you kind Sir. I have the day off and I'm on fire today. I am painting as well.
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Post by Neo Stella on Jun 4, 2004 19:52:19 GMT
Artist in the zone, enjoy the experience. Remember, this is why we are here.
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Post by Adey on Jun 6, 2004 2:42:22 GMT
With complimentary posts received from 3 members, Iago receives the first " Sensual World Award Trophy " , for his remarkable work on the Sausage Poetry thread.
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Iago
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Post by Iago on Jun 6, 2004 11:52:11 GMT
With complimentary posts received from 3 members, Iago receives the first " Sensual World Award Trophy " , for his remarkable work on the Sausage Poetry thread. Thank you! I am actually very happy with the last version.
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Iago
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Post by Iago on Jun 9, 2004 1:04:16 GMT
Sunlit
Throughout the ethereal languid days she'd drone, ephemerally yearning.. groaning, gracefully yeilding Gossamer radiates sunlight through hazy yellow windowpanes Surreptitious secrets sooth her restless soul Lost to other regions, she emancipates self-doubt To orogonic cascades, she enters Shangri-la.
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Post by Adey on Jun 9, 2004 2:09:01 GMT
Iago, do you practice any other of the traditional poetry forms?
Not that I'm complaining you understand..
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Iago
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Post by Iago on Jun 9, 2004 2:21:46 GMT
Yes, Adey; but, the reason I enjoy this one so much is because each word must be examined. Instead of constraining, to me it is more liberating. I sound less trite and staccato. It takes bolts of inspiration, wherein torrents of words will flow out, in order to stay focused. It is very satisfying to work in this medium. Where else can you say 'She enters so obstreperously' .... ;D
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Post by Adey on Jun 9, 2004 2:27:23 GMT
Ah I see. You're a masochist.. (j/k) Thanks for taking the time to explain.
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Iago
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Post by Iago on Jun 10, 2004 0:57:06 GMT
Sunlit
Throughout the ethereal languid days she'd drone, ephemerally yearning.. groaning, gracefully yeilding Gossamer radiates sunlight through hazy yellow windowpanes Surreptitious secrets sooth her restless soul Lost to other regions, she emancipates self-doubt To orogonic cascades, she enters Shangri-la.
Offensive? I hope not. Surely not...
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Post by Adey on Jun 10, 2004 10:04:43 GMT
Man, do you have this form nailed..
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Post by Al Truest on Jun 10, 2004 11:55:35 GMT
Man, do you have this form nailed.. I taught him everything he knows. ;D
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